An erection lasts as long as blood keeps flowing into the penis and stays there. Two common reasons it fades during sex are anxiety, which triggers a stress response that pulls blood away from the penis, and weak pelvic floor muscles that can’t help keep the blood in. To maintain an erection, you can calm your breathing, keep your attention on pleasure, train your pelvic floor and choose positions that ask less of your body. Keep It Hard, a program in The Coach app, teaches these skills step by step.
Get my planAn erection starts in the brain. Arousal sends signals through your nerves, the blood vessels in your penis relax, and blood fills two tubes of spongy tissue. As they swell, they press on the veins that would carry the blood away, and your pelvic floor muscles help squeeze those veins shut. You stay hard while blood keeps flowing in and stays trapped; when less flows in or the veins open, the erection fades.
That’s why you can lose an erection during intercourse even when sex started well. Several things can interrupt the process:
If erection problems happen often, our guide to erectile dysfunction explains the possible causes in more detail.
In the moment, the aim is to keep your body relaxed and your attention on pleasure rather than on your erection. Trying to force an erection adds pressure, and pressure feeds the stress response. These steps help:
If nerves are the main thing getting in your way, our guide to sexual performance anxiety explains where they come from and how to ease them.
Hardness naturally rises and falls a little during sex. The trouble starts when you notice the dip and panic: fear switches on the stress response, and a small dip turns into a lost erection. The way out is to get used to softness, so it no longer feels like an alarm.
The soft penis exercise, a simple routine sex therapists use, helps with this. You do it alone, and it takes about ten minutes:
Over time, softness can stop feeling like a failure, so a dip during sex is less likely to set off panic. Keep It Hard builds this exercise into your daily plan.
The pelvic floor muscles sit between your legs, around the base of the penis. When they’re strong and can also relax, they help keep blood in the penis, so training them is a natural way to help you stay harder for longer.
Before you start, check whether your pelvic floor is weak or too tense, because each needs a different approach. Signs of tension include pelvic pain, constipation or straining, a feeling that your bowels don’t empty fully, urgent or frequent urination, a slow stream, pain when you ejaculate and pain when sitting. If any of these sound familiar, focus on relaxing the muscles for the first three weeks before you add strength exercises, and ask a doctor or men’s health physiotherapist to check them. If none apply, you can start strengthening straight away.
For more exercises that support your erections, see our guide to exercises for erectile dysfunction.
The most helpful positions let you relax, set the pace and enjoy plenty of touch and visual stimulation. Missionary does the opposite.
This solo exercise shows you how much stimulation you need and lets you practise letting an erection go down and bringing it back. Seeing it happen can make softening during sex less frightening. Set aside 20 to 30 minutes in a warm, private room.
Keep It Hard guides you through this exercise and adds it to your daily plan at the recommended frequency.
An erection is easier to keep when you’re relaxed and focused on pleasure.
Keep It Hard is a program in The Coach app for men who want stronger, more reliable erections. Its 17 lessons combine work on anxiety, pelvic floor training and sex skills, and daily practice takes about 10 to 20 minutes.
Breathing and grounding exercises, plus practices for quieting the critical inner voice that can make you doubt yourself during sex.
A short check inside the program shows whether to start by relaxing your pelvic floor or by strengthening it, and reverse Kegels join your daily plan after the first week.
Guided practices, including arousal control and the soft penis exercise, help you get used to changes in hardness.
Answer a few questions to get a plan that shows you where to start. Keep It Hard then tells you what to practise each day.
Practice can help when anxiety or weak muscles are part of the problem, but some causes need medical care. See a doctor if any of these apply:
Because an erection depends on good circulation, our guide to increasing blood flow to the penis covers the everyday habits that support it.
Worrying alone about losing your erection adds pressure. Telling your partner what’s going on often brings support instead, and it lets you plan together for situations that make you tense, such as a rushed start or the lights being on.
Pick a calm moment outside the bedroom, talk about how you feel rather than what went wrong, and treat it as something you work on as a team.
From a survey of The Coach users after their first four weeks. These figures describe what users reported; they don’t measure the effect of any single exercise.
Whether nerves, a weak pelvic floor or both are getting in the way, answer a few questions to see where your practice should start.
Reviews from people using the app, in their own words.
“This app is just what I needed when my confidence was at an all time low. I felt stressed and completely lost all interest to the point where I struggled to get it up. But then I took a chance on this app. Daily listening and going through the exercises sometimes even half-mindedly. Well! Let’s just say she definitely noticed the change and now can’t seem to get enough of it 😁👍”
“I’ve been using The Coach app for about 3-4 weeks now, and I’m genuinely impressed with the results. The app is super easy to follow. The daily pelvic floor (Kegel) exercises are short, only 5 to 10 minutes each, and they’re split nicely: one session in the morning and one in the evening. This makes it very easy to stay consistent without feeling overwhelmed.”
“My experience with ‘The Coach’ app has been very good. The lessons and exercises have helped me tremendously. I am much more confident both within myself and also with my appearance. Intimate moments are not so anxious as before because I follow the helpful advice given in the ‘The Coach’ app.”
“This program has helped me get a harder erection without pills. I don’t have issues with pre-mature EJ. I just can’t EJ at all during intercourse but this issue is separate from this program. You have to do program everyday and there’s no quick fix. Anything thats body related takes time so stick with it.”
Keep It Hard was developed with specialists in men’s health, among them urologists, physiotherapists and a sex therapist.
Gerard Greene
Specialist men's health physiotherapist and senior lecturer at Coventry University.
Dr. Susie Gronski
Licensed physical therapist, certified sexuality counselor, and founder of a men's pelvic health clinic.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Ben Greenfield
13-time Ironman triathlete, bestselling author, and recognized expert in health, fitness, and performance.
Dr. Gary Shlifer
DO, board-certified internal medicine physician specializing in preventative care, nutrition, and anti-aging.
Yes. Hardness rises and falls a little during sex, and it’s common to lose an erection now and then, for example when you’re tired, stressed or nervous with a new partner. It’s worth looking into if it happens often or keeps getting worse.
Slow belly breathing calms the stress response that pulls blood away from the penis. Keep your attention on touch rather than on your erection, take more time for foreplay and, if you can, tell your partner you’re nervous. Practising breathing and the soft penis exercise outside the bedroom can make nerves easier to handle during sex.
If erections work when you’re alone but fade with a partner, the cause is more likely to be psychological than physical, for example anxiety about performing. When erections are difficult in every situation, a physical cause is more likely and a doctor’s visit is worthwhile. Many men have a mix of both.
They can. Pelvic floor muscles help keep blood in the penis, and weakness in these muscles is a common reason erections fade. If your pelvic floor feels tense or painful, start with relaxation instead, and see a doctor or physiotherapist if the pain continues.
Yes, although they’re different skills. Staying hard depends on blood flow and on staying relaxed, while lasting longer depends on keeping your excitement in check so you don’t ejaculate too soon. For ejaculation control, see our guide to lasting longer in bed.
Yes. Breathing exercises, pelvic floor training, the soft penis exercise and arousal control are all done on your own. Keep It Hard covers partner skills, such as talking about sex and positions, later in the program.
About 10 to 20 minutes. Some practices are daily and others a few times a week, and the app schedules them in your daily plan.
