Struggling to get hard now and then is common, and it usually means something is getting in the way of arousal or blood flow. For most men, worry plays a part: it switches on the body’s stress response, which sends blood away from the penis. Stress, tiredness, alcohol, some medicines and health problems that affect blood flow, nerves or hormones can also make an erection harder to get or keep. If you can’t get an erection in any situation, including on your own, see a doctor. Keep It Hard, a program in The Coach app, teaches exercises that calm the stress response and train the muscles that help keep an erection.
Get my planAn erection starts in the brain. Something turns you on, the brain sends a signal along the nerves, the blood vessels in the penis open and blood flows in. Then the pelvic floor muscles press on the veins so the blood stays there. If any of these steps is interrupted, you may not get hard at all, or only partly.
Often more than one of these causes is involved:
If worry about how you’ll perform is the main thing in the way, our guide to sexual performance anxiety explains what helps.
An erection lasts as long as more blood flows into the penis than drains out of it. When arousal drops, the inflow slows, the veins open and the penis softens. These are common reasons you can’t keep an erection even when it starts well:
For practical ways to keep an erection once you have it, see our guide to staying hard.
Pushing for an erection usually backfires, because pressure feeds the stress response. Take the pressure off in the moment, and practice when nothing is at stake:
Keep It Hard teaches these exercises step by step and adds them to your daily plan. A few questions show which ones to start with.
If you get hard when you masturbate or wake up with erections, your blood vessels and nerves are probably working. The problem is then more likely the situation than your body: with a partner there’s more at stake, and worry has more room to switch on the stress response.
Common reasons include:
If you still get hard on your own, our guide to psychological erectile dysfunction explains how to tell whether worry is the cause.
Three questions help narrow it down: does it happen every time or only in some situations, did it start suddenly or slowly, and what else changed around then? Some common patterns:
Before you can answer the inner critic, it helps to know what it says and how it sounds. Set aside five quiet minutes:
Keep It Hard follows this exercise with one that trains a kinder, stronger inner voice, and adds both to your daily plan.
Trouble getting hard is often a sign to slow down and take the pressure off, not proof that something is broken.
Keep It Hard is a program in The Coach app for men who want stronger, more reliable erections. Its 17 lessons work on anxiety, the pelvic floor and sex with a partner, with about 10 to 20 minutes of practice a day.
Lessons on how an erection works, what can interrupt it and which signs mean you should see a doctor.
Box breathing, a grounding exercise that uses your five senses, and exercises to recognize and answer your inner critic.
The soft penis exercise and a solo arousal control exercise, so you learn how your body responds without any pressure.
Your answers to a few questions shape a plan that shows which practices to start with. Keep It Hard then sets out what to do each day.
See a doctor if you can’t get an erection in any situation, if it has slowly gotten worse over months, or if any of these apply:
A doctor will usually ask about your sex life and habits and may check your blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol and testosterone. For more on the medical side, see our guide to erectile dysfunction.
In the moment, a few warm words are enough, such as “I love being close to you, let’s slow down.” Long apologies put the focus back on your erection and add to the pressure.
Later, outside the bedroom, you can say more: that it sometimes happens when you’re nervous, that it isn’t about how you feel about them, and what helps you, such as more time for touch. Talking about it often takes a lot of pressure off you both.
These figures come from a survey of The Coach users after their first four weeks. They describe what users reported, not a promise for every man.
Box breathing, the inner critic exercise and arousal control all get easier with repetition. Your plan shows how often to do each one.
Reviews from men using the app, in their own words.
“I started the Coach program because there was some real inconsistency in my response to stimulus. In fact I was beginning to believe that my sexual life was on its way out the door. I was pretty desperate to find a solution and I stumbled across The Coach. It has been a game changer.”
“My experience with ‘The Coach’ app has been very good. The lessons and exercises have helped me tremendously. I am much more confident both within myself and also with my appearance. Intimate moments are not so anxious as before because I follow the helpful advice given in the ‘The Coach’ app.”
“EXPERIENCE THE COACH Before signing on to the coach I struggle have erection. I started using the coach in the first week of January, 2026 and by the 2nd week I’d already started seeing improvement in my erection. The Coach is not only about kegel exercise but is a complete package and includes psychological , emotional and physical exercise as well and this has improved my wellbeing in all these areas.”
“This app is just what I needed when my confidence was at an all time low. I felt stressed and completely lost all interest to the point where I struggled to get it up. But then I took a chance on this app. Daily listening and going through the exercises sometimes even half-mindedly. Well! Let’s just say she definitely noticed the change and now can’t seem to get enough of it 😁👍”
Keep It Hard was developed with specialists in men’s health, among them urologists, physiotherapists, a sex therapist and a sex coach.
Gerard Greene
Specialist men's health physiotherapist and senior lecturer at Coventry University.
Dr. Susie Gronski
Licensed physical therapist, certified sexuality counselor, and founder of a men's pelvic health clinic.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Ben Greenfield
13-time Ironman triathlete, bestselling author, and recognized expert in health, fitness, and performance.
Dr. Gary Shlifer
DO, board-certified internal medicine physician specializing in preventative care, nutrition, and anti-aging.
Because an erection depends on more than desire. Tiredness, stress, a few drinks or worry about the last time can each block one on a given night, even when everything else works. Not getting hard now and then is common; doctors talk about erectile dysfunction when it happens most of the time, over several months.
Hardness rises and falls with arousal, so being partly hard during foreplay is normal. If you rarely get past half hard, common reasons are worry holding arousal back, too little stimulation, or pelvic floor muscles that let blood drain out too easily. If you can’t get fully erect in any situation, see a doctor.
Usually because arousal drops soon after you get hard: a worried thought can switch on the stress response, and a pause in touch or checking how hard you are can interrupt arousal. Weak pelvic floor muscles can also let blood drain out sooner. For what to do when it happens, see our guide to losing your erection during sex.
Wanting sex and getting an erection aren’t the same thing. Desire lives in your thoughts and feelings; arousal is your body’s response, including the erection. Worry, tiredness or alcohol can hold back the physical response while the desire is still there. Trying to force it adds pressure, so give arousal time to build.
Needing touch to get hard is common. An erection can start from something you see, hear or imagine, or from touch on the penis itself, and for many men touch does more. In the arousal control exercise, you find out how much stimulation you need, without any pressure.
If it comes from a stressful week, tiredness or a few drinks, it often passes once they do. If worry about the next time keeps it going, practice helps break the cycle. If it doesn’t improve, or it happens in every situation, see a doctor.
No. Breathing, the inner critic exercise, the soft penis exercise and arousal control are all done on your own. The lessons on talking about sex, foreplay and positions are for when you have a partner.
About 10 to 20 minutes. Some practices are daily and others a few times a week, and your plan shows what to do each day.
