To sext a girl well, start from the conversation you’re already having, add one line that’s a little more personal and let her replies decide how far it goes. A detail only she would recognize usually does more than an explicit message that arrives at a bad moment. Man’s Guide to Sexting, a program in The Coach app, teaches you to sext like this with your girlfriend, your wife or someone you’ve just started dating.
Get my personal planSexting usually grows out of an ordinary conversation rather than a sexy opening line. These steps take you from everyday talk to sexting; adapt the example lines so they’re true for the two of you.
If it’s still too early for sexting, keep it lighter: our guide to flirty texts for her has examples to make her smile.
You don’t need a way with words to learn how to sext well. These six habits matter more than any clever line.
Her replies show you whether to keep going. When a girl answers with a “lol” or an emoji, what she means depends on the rest of the chat.
Her replies get easier to read when you ask her something she enjoys answering. For ideas, read our guide to dirty questions to ask your girlfriend. Man’s Guide to Sexting covers replies like these in more depth, including what to do when a message falls flat. The quiz asks a few questions and gives you a personal plan based on your answers.
Make it about her, and let her set the pace.
Man’s Guide to Sexting is The Coach app’s program on sexting for men: 14 lessons you read at your own pace. It teaches you to write messages that fit her mood and sound like you.
How to start from whatever she just told you, whether she’s tired, stressed or already in a playful mood.
How specific details and things she can picture make a text feel written for her alone.
How to make it easy for her to join in at her own pace, without making photos the point.
Answer a few questions, and you’ll get a personal plan that shows you where to begin.
In a long relationship, most texts are about schedules, shopping and who picks up whom, and sexting can bring back the feeling of being wanted in the middle of all that. Answer the practical message first, then add one private line. If she asks you to get bread on the way home, a reply like “On it. Fair warning: once the groceries are put away, I plan to distract you” turns an errand into an invitation.
Texts like these mean more when the evening matches them. If you wrote that you wanted time with her, put your phone away when you get home and give her that time. Sit next to her instead of across the room, and pick up the mood of your messages where you left it.
For lines that build anticipation during the day, read our guide on how to tease a girl over text.
Some women like the idea of sexting but feel exposed doing it, because a written line stays on the screen and can be reread. If she answers with a nervous “haha” or a single word, don’t take it as a rejection, and don’t ask for more than she gives. Make the next step smaller instead: offer two options she can choose between, or carry the conversation yourself for a while and let her simply react.
When she does try something, tell her you liked it, even if it came out clumsy, and leave photos out of it unless she offers. If sexting is new to both of you after years together, admit that it feels a little unusual. Once that’s said, it’s easier to laugh about it and keep going.
And if you’re the one who feels unsure, read our guide on how to improve sexual confidence.
These figures come from a survey of The Coach users after their first four weeks. They show what users reported, not a result every man will see.
Example lines show what a good sext looks like, but your best ones will come from moments only the two of you share. Man’s Guide to Sexting teaches you how to write them: what to notice about her, when to send a message and how to answer her reply.
To turn what you notice about her into a line she’ll remember, read our guide to compliments for her.
Reviews from men using the app, in their own words.
“The program also emphasizes understanding a partner’s needs through communication, emotional connection, and attentiveness. Instead of offering quick fixes, it encourages men to slow down, listen actively, and create a more collaborative experience with their partner.”
“I’m happy to say this app has helped me open up a whole new line of communication with my S/O. Every resource for a better relationship is at your fingertips in this app. love it”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“After only five or six lessons, I was tuned in to making the experience more pleasurable for her, which actually made me feel sexier! I’m not ashamed to admit that the Coach made me a better partner and lover.”
The Coach works with clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, including practicing urologists.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Start in the middle of a normal conversation, when she’s relaxed and has some privacy. Reply to what she said, then add one line that’s a little more personal than usual, such as a compliment with a detail or a hint about later. If she picks it up, take one more small step. If she doesn’t, keep chatting and try another day.
Slowly, because you don’t know yet how direct she likes things or how private she is. Flirt about something you did together, and give her an easy way to turn down anything bolder. At this stage trust matters as much as chemistry: keep what she sends to yourself and never push for photos.
Some do and some don’t, and the same woman may enjoy it one evening and not feel like it the next. Not liking sexting doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you; some people simply prefer to flirt in person. If you’re not sure, ask her once, calmly, and respect her answer.
It depends on the woman and on the moment, which is why lines copied from the internet so often miss. What tends to work is making her feel noticed and wanted: mention something specific about her, say what it did to you and leave her room to answer in her own way.
The usual ones are jumping from a chat about dinner straight to explicit messages, sending lines that could go to anyone, texting something graphic while she might be at work, pushing for photos and chasing her with “?” when she doesn’t reply right away. Most of these come from going faster than she does.
Yes. Words can be exciting on their own, especially when they give her something to picture. Don’t ask for pictures or make them the goal, because that can turn a flirty chat into pressure. If she chooses to send one, tell her she looks great, don’t immediately ask for more and never show it to anyone. Keep your own photos to yourself unless she asks for them.
Don’t treat the chat as a promise she has to keep. When you see her, bring it back lightly, with a look, a kiss or a short line about your messages, and see how she responds. Does sexting lead to sex? Sometimes. Other times it leads to a closer evening or a private joke, and that’s worth having too.
