Sexual confidence means feeling more comfortable with your body, your choices and your partner. It grows as you learn what you enjoy, talk about what you want and practice responding to each other. You don’t need to predict her reactions or get everything right to feel more at ease.
Show me where to startWhat is sexual confidence in practice? It means feeling at ease enough to say what you want, ask questions and adapt. Experience can help, but you do not need to know exactly what will happen. These four distinctions make the idea clearer.
If you’re wondering how to have sexual confidence, start by learning what you both enjoy and becoming more comfortable talking about it. You can practice these habits in our guide to how to be better in bed for men.
Building sexual confidence comes down to six changes in what you do, each drilled on a numbered day.
A sexual script is your idea of how sex is supposed to happen and what makes it successful. It can come from past experiences, media or things you have heard. If you expect every encounter to follow the same sequence, an unexpected change can feel like failure. These five common expectations show how that happens.
These are familiar habits and expectations, not diagnoses. Day twenty-six asks you to write down your usual expectations about sex and decide what you’d like to change. Talking with your partner helps you choose an approach that suits you both. You can also learn more about how to make her orgasm can be part of that learning, without making orgasm the only measure of good sex.
Confidence grows when you know you can ask, listen and adjust.
Useful ways to boost sexual confidence include talking openly, noticing what you both enjoy and allowing an evening to go differently from what you expected. Male sexual confidence doesn’t have to depend on one result. These four tips help you take a broader view.
A relaxed conversation before or after sex can help you understand each other’s preferences. Keep checking in when needed, because what either of you wants can change.
Try something you both enjoyed again, while staying open to a different response. Repetition helps you learn; it doesn’t guarantee the same result each time.
Her orgasm is not the score, and treating it as one turns a good night into an exam. What she remembers is how present you were.
Eight questions tonight, then one instruction an evening.
Sex is a Skill is one of the men’s programs inside The Coach app: thirty numbered days, fifty lessons, thirty practices, ten to thirty-five minutes at a time, in a fixed order. It is not therapy; it is practice with instructions.
A minute of questions, and the plan comes back built for you.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Start with one practice and notice what you learn.
Reviews left on the App Store and Google Play.
“I can’t express how much this class helped me out with knowing and understanding my wife’s ‘body’, my game was on point but after the coach class, my wife’s exact words were ‘you are FIRE and I’ve never been so wet’, her words. I recommend this to get more in tuned with your wife.”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“There’s a couple of uses for the app, but I liked how organized the section was on ‘Sex is a Skill.’ It has professionally drawn sketches to help you understand what is being described without looking graphic or distasteful. It has helped me up my game in the bedroom and I’m happy with my results!”
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part.”
Clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, including practicing urologists, shape what The Coach teaches.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
No, and the difference matters. Performance anxiety is a clinical subject with its own causes and its own care; if what you feel is closer to dread than to doubt, that is a conversation with a doctor or a therapist before it is an app. Low sexual confidence is usually the ordinary version: not knowing whether what you did landed, and having no way to find out.
In bed, specifically. The two often move together, but one is not a route to the other: a man can be certain everywhere else and blank in bed, usually because it is the only skill nobody ever gave him feedback on.
Return to something you both enjoy, without trying to prove that the next time will be perfect. Talk about what happened if either of you wants to. Learning how to boost sexual confidence takes room for awkward moments as well as good ones.
Sex is a Skill as a thirty-day plan: one or two lessons and one practice a day, ten to thirty-five minutes, in a fixed order, with reminders. The quiz takes about a minute and builds the plan around your answers.
A partner for most of it — twenty-eight of the thirty practices are written for two people in the room. No equipment and no devices.
Two ways. Email support@the.coach and a real person on our team gets back to you — usually within a day. Or open the app, go to the Today tab, tap your profile, and hit Support. Both reach the same team.
