A good flirty text is short, specific and a little revealing. It tells him you noticed something about him or can’t wait to see him, and it gives him something easy to answer. “Your laugh has been stuck in my head all morning” works better than a generic “thinking of you” because it could only be about him. Start with sweet or funny messages, tease when he’s playing along, and go only as far as you want. Woman’s Guide to Sexting, a program in The Coach for Her app, teaches this in 16 lessons, starting with a personal plan.
Get my personal planFlirty texts work best as starting points, not scripts: a line sounds most like you when you swap in a detail from your own day or from the last time you saw him. Light, sweet lines suit almost any moment; save bolder ones for when the mood is already warm.
Ready to go from flirting to sexting? Our guide on how to sext explains where to start.
A flirty text doesn’t need perfect wording. It comes down to four simple choices.
Teasing over text means letting him know you want him while keeping some of the details for later, so he has a reason to look forward to your next message.
Move to the next step only when he’s clearly enjoying the one before, and stop wherever it feels right.
Woman’s Guide to Sexting goes further, with lessons on starting small, teasing and building anticipation. It starts with a personal plan based on your answers to a few questions.
The best flirty texts are small, true and clearly about him.
Woman’s Guide to Sexting is a 16-lesson program in The Coach for Her that you read at your own pace. The lessons build from small, flirty messages toward more charged ones, and you can stop at whatever level suits you.
Three levels for a first message: show him you noticed him, tell him he affected you, then let him know you want more.
Six styles, from soft and playful to direct and bold, and a simple way to check whether a message sounds like you.
How to hint that there’s more and let him pull the next piece out of you.
Answer a few questions to get a personal plan. The lessons cover first flirty messages, teasing, anticipation and carrying the mood into real life.
How do you flirt with your husband over text when most of your messages are about errands and schedules? Start by sending one that has nothing to do with running the house. After years together, a husband can start to feel more useful than wanted, so a text that’s only about him stands out. You can even make a game of it: “New rule: one text a day that isn’t about errands. Today’s: you looked great this morning.” An old nickname or a joke from when you first met works just as well.
Sexy texts for your husband don’t have to be explicit, and they’re especially useful before he gets home, when evenings tend to run on autopilot. A message like “When you’re home, I want ten minutes on the couch with you before dinner and dishes” tells him how you’d like the evening to start without promising anything more. Then follow through in person: sit next to him, put your phone away and make the hello last a little longer. When what you do matches what you texted, he learns that your messages mean something.
If you’d like to bring that playfulness into your sex life, our list of new things to try in the bedroom has ideas to explore together.
Many men are used to being the one who makes the first move, so a message that shows you’ve been thinking about him can mean more than you’d expect. What tends to land is proof that he had an effect on you: not just “I miss you,” but what exactly you miss and when it crossed your mind. “On the train, thinking about you holding my hand the whole way home on Sunday. Thought you should know” tells him the moment stayed with you after it ended.
Appreciation works the same way. Telling him what you enjoyed, like “I loved how relaxed you made me feel on Saturday. I’d like a repeat,” makes him feel wanted, while a message about what he should do differently reads like a performance review. And if you want him to make a move, say so plainly. Hints are easy to miss, and a clear “Come to bed early with me tonight?” leaves him nothing to decode.
For ideas on making the first move face to face, see our guide on how to initiate sex.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Flirting with someone new is different from flirting with your husband, and a sweet or funny style is different from a bold one. A personal plan built from your answers shows you where to begin.
Women describe their experience with The Coach for Her in their own words.
“I absolutely love this app! I’ve only had it for a couple weeks and noticed so many changes in myself and my relationship.”
“I recently started using The Coach (for her) and am so pleased so far. The information included is educational and also so fun.”
“It really helped me learn more about my health and how to improve my intimacy with my husband. I would recommend it”
“The coach has awoken my mind to new sensations and ideas on a much deeper thoughtful level I am really enjoying it. Thanks”
The Coach works with clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, among them a urologist and an OB-GYN.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Susie Gronski
Licensed physical therapist, certified sexuality counselor, and founder of a men's pelvic health clinic.
Dr. Gary Shlifer
DO, board-certified internal medicine physician specializing in preventative care, nutrition, and anti-aging.
Dr. Joshua Roland
MD, sleep medicine specialist, and clinical instructor at the David Geffen School of Medicine, UCLA.
Make the next message clearer. Some men miss a hint simply because they don’t realize it was one, or because they’d rather not assume and get it wrong. Being direct doesn’t mean being explicit: “That was me flirting, by the way” or “I’d love to see you this weekend. Say yes” tells him what’s going on and keeps the warmth.
If you want to, yes. Hearing from you can be a welcome change, especially if he usually texts first. Keep it light and easy to answer, and see how he responds before you send more.
There’s no right number. One well-timed text usually does more than a steady stream, and if flirting starts to feel like a chore, it’s fine to send fewer and enjoy them more.
Keep each message to one small step. A text saying you enjoyed last night is flirty; a long message about everything you feel can be a lot to answer at once. If he responds warmly, you can go a little further next time. Wanting him isn’t desperate, and a simple, honest line rarely comes across that way.
Match his energy and add a little, rather than jumping several steps ahead. If he teases you, tease back; if he asks what you meant, give him one more detail and wait for his answer. The exchange stays fun when you’re both adding to it.
Try not to read too much into it. He may be busy, or he may not have noticed you were flirting. Wait for a natural moment rather than sending several follow-ups, and if you want to nudge him, keep it playful: “I’ll take your silence as speechless admiration.”
No. Explicit messages are optional: you choose how far to go, and you can keep your texts playful. The lessons also cover finding your own style, teasing, texting in everyday situations such as when he’s at work, and taking the mood from your phone into time together.
