The best dirty texts for him show what he does to you and what you want next, one detail at a time. A line like “I still haven’t recovered from last night. Getting any work done today is a lost cause” can do more than a graphic one, because it sounds real and leaves him wanting the rest. Start suggestive, and get more explicit only if you both want to. Woman’s Guide to Sexting, a program in The Coach for Her app, helps you write texts like these in your own words.
Show me where to startGood dirty text messages don’t have to be long or graphic. Pick the kind that suits the moment and your mood, then swap in details that are true for the two of you.
If texting like this is new to you, our guide on how to sext starts from the very first message.
Men differ, and his reactions are your best guide. Many men enjoy explicit texts, but what often turns a guy on more is knowing that you really want him and that he gets to you. Four things help a text say that.
A hot exchange builds over several messages, so you don’t have to say everything at once. Answer what he sends with one more detail, and let things heat up in waves: come closer, pause, then come closer again.
Woman’s Guide to Sexting walks you through moments like these, from the first suggestive text to building heat slowly and steering when he rushes, so the words come from you. You start with a personal plan based on your answers to a few questions.
Sometimes the hottest thing a text can say is that you want him.
Woman’s Guide to Sexting is a 16-lesson program in The Coach for Her that you read at your own pace. You learn to write hot texts in your own voice and to stay in control of where the conversation goes.
What men often want from a sexy text, from feeling chosen to knowing they affect you, and how to notice what works for him.
How to make it clear you want him while saving the details, and why heat builds better in waves.
How to add one sensation at a time, and when it feels right to get more explicit.
Answer a few questions, and your plan shows you where to begin. How explicit your texts get is always your choice.
When he’s at work, send something he can carry through the day without having to answer right away: “Thought you should know I’m wearing the dress you like. That’s all. Back to work.” Before a date, give the evening a direction: “Wear the blue shirt tonight. I have my reasons.”
When you’re apart for a few days, let the distance build anticipation: “Three more nights. I’m making a list of everything I want when you’re back.” Or keep it playful: “Your side of the bed is far too tidy. Come home and mess it up.”
For something lighter that still makes him smile, try our flirty texts for him.
There’s no rule for how dirty a text should be. Spicy texts for him can get as explicit as you both like, and they tend to land best once you’re both clearly in the mood and trust that it stays between the two of you. Keep them in your own voice, too: if a line sounds copied from someone else’s phone, write what you actually want instead.
The easiest way to learn what turns him on is to ask him later, once you’re both relaxed: “So which of my texts last night got to you most?” And when he sends something you love, say so: “That message you sent at midnight? I’ve read it about ten times.”
For more ideas in different styles, from soft to bold, see our sexting examples.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Lists of texts to turn him on are a good place to start, but the lines that work best usually come from your own life together. Woman’s Guide to Sexting shows you how to write texts from what you notice and remember, and how to bring the mood from your phone into real life.
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The Coach works with clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, among them a urologist and an OB-GYN.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Susie Gronski
Licensed physical therapist, certified sexuality counselor, and founder of a men's pelvic health clinic.
Dr. Gary Shlifer
DO, board-certified internal medicine physician specializing in preventative care, nutrition, and anti-aging.
Dr. Joshua Roland
MD, sleep medicine specialist, and clinical instructor at the David Geffen School of Medicine, UCLA.
Many do. Feeling wanted often matters even more to a man than explicit words, so a text that shows he’s on your mind and gets to you can work better than a graphic one. Notice which of your texts get the biggest reaction, and you’ll learn what works for him.
Something true and only a little suggestive, like “I put on your favorite perfume today. Pity it’s wasted on my coworkers.” If he plays along, you can go further next time.
Use words you’d say out loud, and keep it short. One real detail, like something he did or how he made you feel, sounds natural; a borrowed line full of adjectives rarely does. If you’d cringe reading it back, rewrite it more simply.
Don’t assume the worst: he may be busy or unsure how to answer something so direct. If his reply was flat, nudge him with humor, like “I send you that and get a thumbs-up?” Leave anything more serious for a calm moment later.
You don’t have to choose between going along with it and shutting it down. Slow the pace and keep the warmth: “Slow down, you’re skipping my favorite part.” If he keeps pushing after that, you can end the conversation.
Keep it light and keep flirting: “Nope, you’ll have to picture it. I’ll help with words.” Photos are always your choice. If he keeps pressing after you’ve said no, treat that as a warning sign.
No. It’s a 16-lesson program in The Coach for Her about writing texts that feel like yours: your style, what he responds to, teasing, sensual detail, fantasy, photos and boundaries. The example lines in the lessons show how an idea can sound; you don’t have to send them word for word.
