A good sext sounds like something you’d actually say, shows him he’s on your mind and leaves him room to reply. It can be as simple as “You were on my mind all afternoon, and not in an innocent way.” Choose sexting examples that fit your style, swap in things that are true for the two of you, and add more only when he answers. Woman’s Guide to Sexting, a program in The Coach for Her app, helps you put messages like these into your own words.
Get my planYou may recognize yourself in one of these styles or move between a few, depending on your mood and the moment. Start with the one that sounds most like you, then make each line about the two of you.
If you’re just starting out, our guide on how to sext shows how to begin with small messages and set your own pace.
Whatever your style, a message tends to land when it does four things. Use them to check any line before you send it, including the ones you write yourself.
A sexting conversation builds in small steps. When you don’t know what to send next, take what he just said and add one thing: a feeling, a sensation or one more piece of what you want.
Woman’s Guide to Sexting covers each of these moments, from a first small message to slowing down or stopping, and helps you find the wording that feels like yours. It starts with a personal plan based on your answers to a few questions.
Honest and simple beats hot and borrowed.
Woman’s Guide to Sexting is a 16-lesson program in The Coach for Her that you read at your own pace. Rather than handing you lines to copy, it shows you how to write your own.
Six styles, from soft and playful to bold, and a simple check for whether a line sounds like you.
How to show you want him and hold back the rest, so he asks for more.
How to add one sensation at a time and share a fantasy without feeling exposed.
In The Coach for Her, you decide how explicit your messages get. Answer a few questions, and your plan shows you where to start.
A sexting game takes the pressure off, because neither of you has to write the whole scene. Offer him a choice, such as “I’ve got a thought about tonight: sweet or wicked? You pick.” Or take turns adding one line each to the same story and see where the two of you take it.
Prompts like these also make it easier to share a fantasy. Tell him it’s just a thought, give him one small scene and stop there: “This is more daydream than plan, but I pictured you pulling me into the shower before work.” If he runs further with it than you meant, steer him back: “I like where this is going. Don’t rush the good part.” Sharing a fantasy by text doesn’t commit you to acting it out.
If you’re not sure which fantasy you’d like to share, our guide to female sexual fantasies covers the most common ones.
Long-distance sexting works best when it turns the time apart into a buildup to seeing each other: “I keep planning the first five minutes after you land.” Bring back a real memory, or save a thought for when you’re together: “I’ve got something to tell you, but only in person.” Keep it tied to things you’ll really do together, so there’s nothing to live up to when you meet.
Sexting messages for him before bed can be softer, since you’re both winding down: “I wish I could fall asleep with my head on your chest.” Or leave him with something to wake up to: “Dream about me. I’ll want details in the morning.”
When you’re too sleepy for words, a single emoji will do. Our guide to dirty emojis explains what the most common ones mean.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Examples are a good place to start, but the lines that work best usually come from your own life. Woman’s Guide to Sexting helps you find your style, and it also covers what to do when he doesn’t get the hint and how to take things from text to real life.
Women describe their experience with The Coach for Her in their own words.
“I am still in this journey but i am already feeling more aware and communicating better with my partner.”
“It was great information and has helped in soo many ways! We are closer and more comfortable that ever and I have a ton of confidence.”
“I recently started using The Coach (for her) and am so pleased so far. The information included is educational and also so fun.”
“The coach has awoken my mind to new sensations and ideas on a much deeper thoughtful level I am really enjoying it. Thanks”
The Coach works with clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, among them a urologist and an OB-GYN.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Susie Gronski
Licensed physical therapist, certified sexuality counselor, and founder of a men's pelvic health clinic.
Dr. Gary Shlifer
DO, board-certified internal medicine physician specializing in preventative care, nutrition, and anti-aging.
Dr. Joshua Roland
MD, sleep medicine specialist, and clinical instructor at the David Geffen School of Medicine, UCLA.
A small, true message is a good start, such as “I just walked past the café from our first date and grinned the whole way home.” It lets him know you’re thinking of him without asking for anything, and his reply tells you whether to go further.
Start with something real: the last time you were together, something you noticed about him or the way he’s distracting you right now. Then add how it makes you feel. Ideas from your own life sound more believable than lines you’ve read somewhere.
Usually not at first. A short message with one vivid image is easy for him to answer, while a long paragraph can read like a performance. Longer sexting paragraphs work better later, when you’re both clearly into it.
Start with a message you’d be comfortable saying out loud, and keep it small. If you’re shy, admitting it once can come across as sweet. Sexting tends to feel easier each time a message goes well.
No. You can sext with words alone, and photos are always your choice. If he asks and you don’t want to, you can say no and keep things flirty: “Not tonight. I’d rather tell you than show you.”
Slow him down without losing the mood: “Not so fast. Stay here with me for a bit.” You can also stop whenever you want; starting the conversation doesn’t mean you owe him the rest of it.
No. It’s a 16-lesson program in The Coach for Her that teaches you to write your own messages: finding your style, teasing, adding sensual detail, sharing fantasies, sexting in different situations and setting boundaries. The example lines in it show how an idea can sound, not what you have to say.
