The best compliments for men are specific. “That green sweater really suits you” means more than “you’re handsome” because it shows you were paying attention. Telling him how he made you feel can mean even more: “I was still smiling an hour after you left” lets him know he made an impression on you. Woman’s Guide to Sexting, a program in The Coach for Her app, shows you how to turn that kind of appreciation into messages that tell him you want him.
Get my planA compliment works as well out loud as in a message, as long as it sounds like you. Swap in a real detail, such as the jacket he wore on Saturday or the joke he made at dinner.
If you’d like more lines to send, our collection of flirty texts for him goes from sweet to teasing.
A compliment he remembers and one he forgets by lunch can be equally kind. The difference usually comes down to four things.
Compliments for men over text have one advantage: they can be read again later. A message that names something real and tells him how it affected you can stay with him long after you send it.
The first three steps shape the message, and the last three help it land.
Woman’s Guide to Sexting takes the same idea further, from small messages that show him you noticed him to more charged ones. It starts with a personal plan based on your answers to a few questions.
The compliments he remembers are often the ones that tell him he got to you.
Woman’s Guide to Sexting is a 16-lesson program in The Coach for Her that you read at your own pace. A compliment is often the easiest first step, and the lessons go on from there to teasing, anticipation and saying clearly that you want him.
Begin with a message that shows you noticed him, then tell him how he affected you, and only then say you want more.
Why many men respond to proof that they had an effect on you, and why praise works better than pressure.
Soft, playful, direct, sensual, bold or shy but curious: find the style that comes naturally to you and write in it.
Your plan starts from your answers to a few questions. After that, you read the lessons whenever it suits you and decide for yourself how explicit your messages get.
Let him see that you think about him without being prompted. Many men are used to making the first move and waiting to find out whether it’s welcome, so hearing that you wanted him before he asked can mean a lot. A message like “I’ve been looking forward to tonight since breakfast” tells him he isn’t the only one thinking about it.
Texts to make him feel special follow the same idea: they’re about him, and they arrive when he doesn’t expect them. Mention something small that only you would have noticed: “You were so patient with my nephew today. It made me like you even more.” Then back it up in person, with a long kiss hello or a hand on his back, so the compliment doesn’t stay on the screen.
If everyday life has crowded out the closeness between you, our guide on how to rekindle intimacy has ideas for bringing it back.
There’s no single answer, and what one man loves another may shrug off. Still, many men like to hear that you noticed them, that they had an effect on you and that you enjoyed something they did. The useful question is what this particular man responds to: watch whether he lights up at a comment about his body, at praise for something he handled well or at a plain “I want you,” and give him more of that.
Praise also works better than criticism when you’d like something to change in bed. Instead of “You never slow down,” tell him what you enjoyed: “I loved how unhurried you were on Sunday. More of that, please.” It gives him a clear direction and makes him feel good about himself at the same time, which takes some of the pressure off.
When your compliments start turning into something more charged, our guide on how to sext explains where to begin.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
The lessons help you write in the tone that comes naturally to you, whether it’s a sweet compliment or something bolder.
Women describe their experience with The Coach for Her in their own words.
“It was great information and has helped in soo many ways! We are closer and more comfortable that ever and I have a ton of confidence.”
“I hadn’t ever used an app like this but I feel like it has given me perspective about my own body and has enhanced intimacy.”
“I have learnt so much about myself and relationships that I never thought was possible”
“It really helped me learn more about my health and how to improve my intimacy with my husband. I would recommend it”
The Coach works with clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, among them a urologist and an OB-GYN.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Susie Gronski
Licensed physical therapist, certified sexuality counselor, and founder of a men's pelvic health clinic.
Dr. Gary Shlifer
DO, board-certified internal medicine physician specializing in preventative care, nutrition, and anti-aging.
Dr. Joshua Roland
MD, sleep medicine specialist, and clinical instructor at the David Geffen School of Medicine, UCLA.
The ones that are specific and true. Point to something only he does or has, like the way he laughs or how he got through a hard day, and he’ll know it’s meant for him. Compliments about how he made you feel are often the ones he’ll remember longest.
Many men enjoy them, especially when they’re specific and sound sincere. Telling a man that he made you laugh or that you liked how he looked can make his day.
Brilliant, sexy, sweet, hilarious, irresistible and dashing all work, especially with a little context. “Dashing” when he walks in dressed for dinner, or “brilliant” when he solves a problem that had you both stuck, says more than the word on its own.
Keep it short, say it once and move on. A quick “You look great” on the way out the door is easier for both of you than a long speech. A text can feel even easier, since he can enjoy it in his own time.
Often enough that it feels natural. A sincere compliment now and then usually means more than a daily “you look nice” that starts to sound automatic.
Don’t take it as rejection. He may be surprised, embarrassed or unsure how to respond. You can smile, say lightly “I mean it, though,” and leave it there. Compliments often get easier to accept the more he hears them.
No. Compliments are one easy place to start, and the 16 lessons go much further: finding your own style, teasing, building anticipation, sexting in different situations and setting boundaries. Explicit messages are optional, and you decide how far to go.
