If she gets close to orgasm and then loses the feeling, changing speed or pressure may not help. Often it’s worth staying with a rhythm she enjoys and asking what feels best. The Sex is a Skill program in The Coach app uses a six-stage model of her orgasm to help you understand arousal, the plateau before orgasm and recovery afterwards.
Get my planStart with touch she enjoys, give arousal time to build and keep a comfortable rhythm. The six-stage model helps explain those changes; it isn’t a schedule her body has to follow. During the plateau before orgasm, steady stimulation may feel better than adding speed or pressure.
Learning how to give her an orgasm starts with understanding what she enjoys. The plateau before orgasm is a useful time to practice keeping a steady rhythm.
The program introduces this six-stage model on day one. It is a way to understand arousal, not a sequence every woman must follow. The pace and the kind of touch she wants can vary each time.
In the fourth stage of the model, arousal may seem steady for a while. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to speed up or change position. If she enjoys what you’re doing, keep the rhythm. Notice these five signs alongside what she tells you.
These signs can help you notice changes, but they don’t prove that a touch feels good. Follow what she tells you and ask if you’re unsure. When she enjoys a rhythm, keep it steady. For more on paying attention to her preferences, see our guide to how to be better in bed for men.
During the plateau, stay with what she enjoys and adjust when she asks.
Four ways that understanding the female orgasm and listening to your partner can help.
The program uses six stages, from curiosity to recovery, to explain changes in arousal. Physical responses vary, and the model cannot tell you exactly how she feels. Use it alongside her feedback.
The clitoris is not a button. It has a glans, a hood, a shaft and internal bulbs and crura, and over 90% of her orgasms involve it even during penetration. Knowing where it goes changes pressure, angle and speed.
Feeling comfortable and able to speak openly matters throughout sex. Give her time, listen to her wishes and make it easy to pause or stop. A physical reaction alone cannot tell you whether she feels safe.
Days sixteen to twenty of Sex is a Skill go further: clitoral stimulation during sex, edging her, ways to reset when she drifts, layering touch, and what to do after her first orgasm if she wants more.
None of this guarantees a second orgasm, and she may not want one. The edging steps are explained in more detail in our guide to how to edge a woman.
Sex is a Skill is a program in The Coach app: thirty days in a set order, with fifty lessons and thirty practices, starting with her anatomy and the six stages.
A few questions set your starting point.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
From men using the program. Trimmed for length, never reworded.
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part.”
“I have learned so much from your 30 day presentation, I have started implementing some of the points I have learned. Slow down, connect, it’s not about me it’s about learning her body. This gives me a new life thank you!!!”
“Excellent coaching! When it came time to apply what was learned things clicked and things worked just like I was coached it would. Just as important as the techniques, being attentive and listening and observing and staying consistent in those moments was absolutely crucial.”
“I can’t express how much this class helped me out with knowing and understanding my wife’s ‘body’, my game was on point but after the coach class, my wife’s exact words were ‘you are FIRE and I’ve never been so wet’, her words. I recommend this to get more in tuned with your wife.”
Sex is a Skill gives you thirty days in a set order, most of them with something specific to practice.
The Coach is built with clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, including practicing urologists.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Start earlier than feels necessary. Give arousal time before you focus on technique: deeper areas often don’t respond to a cold start, and direct clitoral touch before she’s ready can feel like too much. Spend real time on the first stages, find one kind of touch she responds to and keep it steady. Nobody can promise a particular outcome for another person’s body.
There is no fixed time for reaching orgasm. The program teaches you to notice what she enjoys and keep a comfortable rhythm, without turning timing into a goal. Its practices take ten to thirty-five minutes.
Choose a relaxed moment before or after sex and ask what she enjoys or would like to change. During sex, a short check-in is fine too. She doesn’t need to give a detailed explanation, and her words matter more than any sign you think you’ve noticed.
There is no pace she needs to meet. If she wants to reach orgasm, focus on touch she enjoys and give it time, without making speed or a particular result the measure of success.
Some women become quiet as they get close to orgasm, but silence alone doesn’t tell you how she feels. Notice the rest of her response and check in if you’re unsure. If she says she enjoys the rhythm, keep it steady.
Yes. For around seven in ten women, oral is the most reliable route there is. The sequence is different enough to need its own guide: how to eat her out.
Sex is a Skill is a program in The Coach app: thirty days in a set order, with fifty lessons and thirty practices. Days one to six cover anatomy and hands, seven to twelve oral, thirteen to twenty-two what happens during sex, and the last days your own body, leading and sensory play. Your answers to the quiz shape your personal plan.
Nothing at the start. Day five suggests lube, day twenty-nine uses a few household objects, and a toy is fine wherever she wants one, but none of it is required to begin. You do mostly need a partner: twenty-eight of the thirty practices are written for two people in the room. Without a partner, you can still do the lessons and the two solo practices.
