Being better in bed starts with noticing what she enjoys. Listen to her, pay attention to her responses and stay with a rhythm that feels good. A change in breathing or movement can mean different things, so ask when you’re unsure. The Sex is a Skill program in The Coach app turns these skills into lessons and practices you do together.
Take the quizKnowing more positions won’t tell you which kind of touch she enjoys. Pay attention to what she says and how she responds. When something feels good to her, give it time before trying something else.
What makes a guy good in bed, then, isn’t a long list of moves but staying with what already works for her. A steady rhythm also matters when you want to make her orgasm.
These six habits help you notice what she likes and respond to it. You’ll practice them throughout the thirty-day program.
Sex skills can be learned. You can practice noticing her reactions, keeping a comfortable rhythm, changing one thing at a time and asking what she likes. You don’t have to get everything right straight away; you need chances to try, listen and adjust.
That’s why The Coach treats sex as a skill most of us were never taught. Lessons explain what to try, and partnered practices help you find out what works for the two of you.
If you’re wondering how to perform better in bed, start by taking some pressure off yourself. You don’t need to impress her with something new at every moment. Keep paying attention, stay with what she enjoys and ask when you’re unsure. For more on easing that pressure, see our guide to how to improve sexual confidence.
Notice, hold, change one thing at a time.
The thirty days help you turn useful advice into habits. Twenty-eight of the thirty practices are for you and your partner, and two are solo. Notice what you both enjoy and talk about what you want to change.
Pick the one thing that got the clearest reaction last time and do only that, unchanged, for a full count of thirty.
When you change something, change one element at a time, and only after her response changes.
Keep using what you’ve practiced, even on an ordinary evening when you’re tempted to try something new.
A few questions set your starting point, and the plan gives you one day at a time.
Sex is a Skill is one of The Coach’s programs for men: thirty days in a set order, with fifty lessons and thirty practices.
A few questions set your starting point.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
From the app’s App Store and Google Play reviews.
“I can’t express how much this class helped me out with knowing and understanding my wife’s ‘body’, my game was on point but after the coach class, my wife’s exact words were ‘you are FIRE and I’ve never been so wet’, her words. I recommend this to get more in tuned with your wife.”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“There’s a couple of uses for the app, but I liked how organized the section was on ‘Sex is a Skill.’ It has professionally drawn sketches to help you understand what is being described without looking graphic or distasteful. It has helped me up my game in the bedroom and I’m happy with my results!”
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part.”
Clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, including practicing urologists, shape what The Coach teaches.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Pay attention to what she enjoys, listen to her wishes and stay with a comfortable rhythm. Anatomy and technique can help, but they don’t replace learning what your partner likes.
You may notice habits you’ve never paid much attention to, such as changing rhythm too soon or guessing what she likes. The lessons and practices give you specific things to try together.
For most of it, yes. Twenty-eight of the thirty practices are written for two people in the room, and two are solo.
Sex is a Skill is a thirty-day plan: fifty lessons and thirty practices in a set order, with two lessons and one practice on most days. Practices take ten to thirty-five minutes.
You don’t need special equipment to start. Some later practices suggest lubricant or everyday objects for sensory play; toys are optional.
The survey asked users about their experience after four weeks. That is the survey timing, not a deadline for your progress. The thirty-day plan gives you regular opportunities to practice and notice what changes.
