Edging means approaching orgasm, easing the stimulation and then building arousal again. Agree beforehand that you both want to try it. Use a rhythm she enjoys, slow down as she gets close and return to that rhythm after a short pause. Let her decide whether she wants to repeat it or finish. The Sex is a Skill program in The Coach app teaches edging her on two days: once during oral sex and once during sex.
Get my planHere are the steps while you’re inside her, in order. In step three you choose one of four ways to ease off.
The signs in step two are the short version. Reading her body in full is a bigger topic, covered in our guide to how to make her orgasm.
Noticing when to slow down is easier after you’ve practiced it together.
Step three has four options when you’re inside her; with your mouth there are two more. In all six you keep the same technique and change only the intensity.
Common mistakes include stopping abruptly, changing technique too often, restarting too intensely and following a fixed plan instead of listening. Talk about what you want to try first, then adjust to her feedback.
Easing the intensity gradually can help you keep a rhythm she enjoys. But staying with one movement is never more important than what she asks for. If she wants to stop, change course or reach orgasm, follow her lead.
Edging her to orgasm should be something you choose together. You don’t need to hide the technique or make every transition perfect. What matters is that it feels good to her and that she can change her mind at any point.
Holding back for fifteen seconds once is easy. Doing it every time, while you’re close yourself, takes repetition.
Keep a comfortable rhythm and adjust to her feedback.
Edging takes her close to orgasm; what you do once she gets there matters too. If she has ever wondered how to have a longer orgasm, a few things on your side can help: stay, hold still and match her.
Hold your position and let her contract around you. The instinct to thrust harder at the peak is the one that shortens it.
Time your breathing to her contractions rather than to your own excitement. Keep everything slow.
When the peak passes, stay inside her and don’t go anywhere, but take your fingers off her clit for a while. Staying close means a second climb doesn’t have to start from scratch.
The steps are simple to read and harder to follow when she’s close and you’re close too. Sex is a Skill gives them two days of practice.
Easing off without pulling out or speeding up takes practice.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Most of the plan repeats a few skills until they come naturally.
From the App Store and Google Play. Trimmed for length, never reworded.
“Just as important as the techniques, being attentive and listening and observing and staying consistent in those moments was absolutely crucial. Just keep doing what you have been coached to do when you observe that she is responding!”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“There’s a couple of uses for the app, but I liked how organized the section was on ‘Sex is a Skill.’ It has professionally drawn sketches to help you understand what is being described without looking graphic or distasteful. It has helped me up my game in the bedroom and I’m happy with my results!”
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part.”
Clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, including practicing urologists, shape what The Coach teaches.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Edging means approaching orgasm, easing the stimulation before the peak, then building it again if she wants to. Some people enjoy repeating this a few times; others prefer to continue without a pause. Agree on what you want to try and adjust as you go.
Notice her breathing, movements and words, but don’t rely on them to tell you exactly how close she is. Agree on a simple way for her to tell you when to ease off. If you’re unsure, ask rather than guessing.
Same word, different body. Edging for yourself means holding your own arousal just short of orgasm, and it’s a stamina practice: we cover what edging is and how to do it for yourself separately, and Sex is a Skill mentions it among the control tools on day twenty-four. Everything here is about her arousal, not yours.
Edging usually means approaching orgasm, easing off and building arousal again. Orgasm denial is a separate, agreed form of play that may postpone orgasm for longer. Either requires clear consent, a way to stop and respect for a change of mind.
Two of the thirty days, plus everything they build on: day nine for edging her with your mouth, day seventeen while you’re inside her, each with two lessons and a practice with her. The days before them cover anatomy and oral, and edging comes after them because it works best once she’s already aroused. Most of the thirty practices need her in the room.
