External touch
Touch around the anal opening may feel different from internal pressure. You can explore externally without deciding to try penetration.
Preparing for anal sex involves comfort, lubricant and time to explore gradually. You can begin with external touch and decide whether you want to continue. There’s no need to try deeper penetration, and you can pause or stop at any point. If something hurts, stop rather than trying to get used to it. The Sex is a Skill program in The Coach for Her app includes lessons and a guided practice on anal exploration. Answer a few questions to get a personal plan.
Get my planAnal sex can hurt, and pain is a reason to stop. Friction, pressure or tense muscles may all contribute. Preparation can improve comfort; it doesn’t guarantee painless or risk-free penetration.
You don’t need to tolerate pain to explore pleasure. Stopping or choosing another activity is always an option.
Preparation includes shared agreement, lubricant, gentle hygiene and time to notice how touch feels. The first three suggestions describe a gradual approach; the remaining points cover products and hygiene. You don’t need to complete every step or progress to penetration.
Take your time, and stop whenever you want.
Sex is a Skill for Her is a program in The Coach for Her app. It begins with your own pleasure, then explores your partner’s body and taking the lead. The first part includes lessons about solo and partnered anal exploration, plus a guided solo practice. You choose which activities to try and when to stop.
These assumptions don’t need to guide what you choose.
Pain is a reason to stop. You can change what you are doing or leave it for another time.
Anal orgasm describes an orgasm associated with anal stimulation, sometimes combined with other touch. Sensations vary, and not everyone enjoys this contact. The following distinctions can help you describe what you feel without expecting a particular outcome.
Touch around the anal opening may feel different from internal pressure. You can explore externally without deciding to try penetration.
Internal contact may feel like pressure, but pressure isn’t necessarily pleasurable. Reduce or stop contact that feels uncomfortable.
An orgasm may involve pelvic muscle contractions or a sense of release. Its intensity doesn’t tell you how deeply you need to be touched.
Feeling at ease may help you enjoy the experience, but it doesn’t make painful contact safe. Stop when you need to rather than trying harder to relax.
The program offers lessons and a guided practice for gradual exploration. Take the quiz to get a personal plan.
No technique guarantees an anal orgasm. If you want to explore, you can stay with external touch or combine it with other sensations you enjoy. The suggestions below are optional; deeper contact isn’t a goal you have to reach.
If you would like to explore what happens after an orgasm, see our guide to multiple orgasms.
With a partner, start with the same gradual steps and agree that you can pause or stop at any time. These anal sex tips focus on communication, comfort and a pace you choose together.
Use a new condom when changing from anal to vaginal contact, and clean hands or toys first. Condoms reduce STI risk, but don’t remove every risk. For a separate explanation of fluid release, see our guide to squirting.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Answer a few questions to get a personal plan. You can explore the guided practices at your own pace.
Reviews of The Coach for Her, including verbatim excerpts.
“It really helped me learn more about my health and how to improve my intimacy with my husband. I would recommend it”
“I was not expecting such a complete app. There’s so much helpful information, practical tips, and exercises. I also love that it’s focused not just on sex, but on women’s health as a whole. I’m really excited to dive deeper into everything the app has to offer.”
“Honestly one of the only apps that is made for women that actually teaches you something!”
“It helps me understand myself better, not just emotionally but also in how I connect with others. I like that everything is broken into small, simple lessons, so it doesn’t feel overwhelming.”
The Coach works with clinical researchers, sex therapists and medical professionals.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women’s sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women’s-health podcast.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Susie Gronski
Licensed physical therapist, certified sexuality counselor, and founder of a men’s pelvic health clinic.
Dr. Gary Shlifer
DO, board-certified internal medicine physician specializing in preventative care, nutrition, and anti-aging.
Dr. Joshua Roland
MD, sleep medicine specialist, and clinical instructor at the David Geffen School of Medicine, UCLA.
Pain can have different causes, including friction, pressure and muscle tension. It isn’t a measure of how well you prepared. Stop if it hurts, and seek medical advice if pain persists or you notice bleeding. A different angle or more arousal isn’t a guarantee of safety.
A shower and gentle washing of the outside are usually enough. Avoid harsh products or aggressive cleaning, and wash gently afterwards.
You may decide that the sensation doesn’t interest you, and you don’t need to keep trying. Preferences vary. If you want to explore again, choose gentle contact you find comfortable rather than expecting a certain number of sessions to change the result.
You can begin with a finger if you want to, using lubricant and avoiding force. A toy is optional; use only one intended for anal use with a flared base. Toys and lubricant aren’t included with the app.
Sex is a Skill for Her includes lessons and practices about your own pleasure, your partner’s body and taking the lead. The first part includes two lessons and a guided practice about anal exploration. Practices range from ten to thirty-five minutes, and several include audio guidance.
