Sex aftercare means paying attention to each other after sex. That might be staying close, getting water, talking or giving each other space. Sex is a Skill includes a short aftercare practice to help you find out what she wants instead of automatically reaching for your phone or rushing on.
Build my planAftercare is the care and attention you give each other after sex. It can be gentle contact, a kind word, water or time alone, depending on what you both want. The term is common in BDSM, but the idea is useful after any kind of sex.
The six stages that lead up to that recovery are something we cover separately, in our guide to how to make her orgasm. Aftercare covers only what comes after the peak.
A minute of questions, and the plan starts from what happens between you now.
Choose what suits you both. A short conversation beforehand makes it easier to know what she might want afterwards.
After sex, you may want different things: closeness, conversation, rest or space. Asking about those preferences helps you care for each other without guessing. Aftercare isn’t a way to earn sex next time; it’s part of treating each other well now.
It is easy to fall back into familiar habits after sex. Sex is a Skill gives aftercare a day of practice and returns to it on day twenty-seven, helping you stay attentive to each other.
Keep paying attention to each other after sex.
If you both want to continue after her orgasm, give her time to recover and ask what kind of contact she wants. These suggestions cover the pause, starting again and checking in the next day.
Move from between her legs to her chest, or beside her. A new position is a new start, rather than a continuation she has to keep up with.
A few slow breaths, matched. It costs nothing, and it is the quickest way to help her settle before you start again.
Her neck, her shoulder, the inside of her wrist. Give her body a moment away from where she just came.
It is two minutes of doing very little, which is exactly why most men never practice it. We give it a day of its own and come back to it on day twenty-seven.
The plan includes a simple practice you can adapt to what you both enjoy.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Four weeks of short evening practices.
Left as they were written on the App Store and Google Play, trimmed only for length.
“After only five or six lessons, I was tuned in to making the experience more pleasurable for her, which actually made me feel sexier! I’m not ashamed to admit that the Coach made me a better partner and lover.”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“There’s a couple of uses for the app, but I liked how organized the section was on ‘Sex is a Skill.’ It has professionally drawn sketches to help you understand what is being described without looking graphic or distasteful. It has helped me up my game in the bedroom and I’m happy with my results!”
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part.”
Clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, including practicing urologists, shape what The Coach teaches.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Aftercare after sex means looking after each other’s comfort once sex ends. You might cuddle, get water, talk or rest separately. The term is common in BDSM, but you don’t need an intense experience to benefit from asking what your partner wants.
No. We use it after every time: it helps her come down, and it tells her she wasn’t being used and is safe to be real with you. A quiet Tuesday needs it as much as anything intense does. After intense sex, going without it is just easier to notice.
People can react differently after sex. If she seems upset or you’re unsure, gently ask whether she wants closeness, space or help. Don’t assume tears mean pleasure or distress, and don’t press her to explain before she’s ready.
Yes, it keeps the thread going, and it is the one part of aftercare that happens outside the bedroom. It does not replace the two minutes. A text the next day won’t make up for reaching for your phone the night before.
Sex is a Skill has thirty numbered days, with two short lessons and a practice on most days. Sessions take ten to thirty-five minutes. Aftercare is introduced on day twelve and revisited on day twenty-seven. The app tracks your progress and sends reminders at your chosen time. Twenty-eight practices are for couples; this one needs no special equipment.
Two ways. Email support@the.coach and a real person on our team gets back to you — usually within a day. Or open the app, go to the Today tab, tap your profile, and hit Support. Both reach the same team.
