Sex aftercare means paying attention to each other after sex. That might be staying close, getting water, talking or giving each other space. The Sex is a Skill program in The Coach app covers aftercare in a lesson, so you can find out what she wants instead of automatically reaching for your phone or rushing on.
Build my planAftercare is the care and attention you give each other after sex. It can be gentle contact, a kind word, water or time alone, depending on what you both want. The term is common in BDSM, but the idea is useful after any kind of sex.
The six stages that lead up to that recovery are something we cover separately, in our guide to how to make her orgasm. Aftercare covers only what comes after the peak.
A few questions set your starting point.
Choose what suits you both. A short conversation beforehand makes it easier to know what she might want afterwards.
After sex, you may want different things: closeness, conversation, rest or space. Asking about those preferences helps you care for each other without guessing. Aftercare isn’t a way to earn sex next time; it’s part of treating each other well now.
It’s easy to fall back into familiar habits after sex. Sex is a Skill covers aftercare in a lesson on day twelve and comes back to it on day twenty-seven, so staying attentive becomes part of how sex ends.
Keep paying attention to each other after sex.
If you both want to continue after her orgasm, give her time to recover and ask what kind of contact she wants. These suggestions cover the pause, starting again and checking in the next day.
Move from between her legs to her chest, or beside her. A new position is a new start, rather than a continuation she has to keep up with.
A few slow breaths, matched. It costs nothing and can help her settle before you start again.
Her neck, her shoulder, the inside of her wrist. Give her body a moment away from where she just came.
It takes a minute or two and little effort, which makes it easy to skip. Sex is a Skill covers it on day twelve and comes back to it on day twenty-seven.
The plan covers aftercare on day twelve, alongside practices you can adapt to what you both enjoy.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Thirty days of practices, each ten to thirty-five minutes.
Left as they were written on the App Store and Google Play, trimmed only for length.
“After only five or six lessons, I was tuned in to making the experience more pleasurable for her, which actually made me feel sexier! I’m not ashamed to admit that the Coach made me a better partner and lover.”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“There’s a couple of uses for the app, but I liked how organized the section was on ‘Sex is a Skill.’ It has professionally drawn sketches to help you understand what is being described without looking graphic or distasteful. It has helped me up my game in the bedroom and I’m happy with my results!”
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part.”
Clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, including practicing urologists, shape what The Coach teaches.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Aftercare after sex means looking after each other’s comfort once sex ends. You might cuddle, get water, talk or rest separately. The term is common in BDSM, but you don’t need an intense experience to benefit from asking what your partner wants.
No. The word comes from BDSM, but aftercare is useful after any kind of sex: it helps you both come down and shows her she’s cared for. An ordinary evening needs it as much as an intense one; after intense sex, its absence is just easier to notice.
People can react differently after sex. If she seems upset or you’re unsure, gently ask whether she wants closeness, space or help. Don’t assume tears mean pleasure or distress, and don’t press her to explain before she’s ready.
Yes. It keeps the connection going, and it’s the one part of aftercare that happens outside the bedroom. It doesn’t replace the time right after sex: a text the next day won’t make up for reaching for your phone the night before.
Sex is a Skill has thirty days in a set order, with two lessons and a practice on most days; practices take ten to thirty-five minutes. Aftercare comes up on day twelve and again on day twenty-seven. Twenty-eight practices are for couples, and aftercare needs no special equipment.
