There’s no ideal number of movements per minute. Start slowly, give her time to adjust and ask what feels comfortable. The Sex is a Skill program in The Coach app begins with a short pause, then small movements, before you explore rhythm, angle and depth together.
Get my personal planWhen you’re learning how to thrust in sex, start with a pause of about fifteen to thirty seconds if that feels comfortable to both of you. Breathe normally and stay close. Begin moving when she feels ready, rather than treating the timing as a rule.
Start slowly and give her time to adjust. Keep breathing comfortably and change the pace or depth according to what feels good to her.
The first seconds are easier when you’ve practiced them together and don’t have to think about every step.
None of these takes more effort than you already put in.
If you’re asking how to thrust faster, how to thrust harder or how to thrust correctly, start with what feels comfortable to both of you. Speed and force are only two things you can change. Angle, depth and pauses matter too, and none has one right setting for everyone.
What we work on instead: the angle you enter at, how much of the stroke stays shallow, whether you stop at the end of one, and what your hand is doing meanwhile. The closest thing to “harder” is holding pressure, which is the opposite of impact.
Porn makes speed look like the main thing to change, because it’s edited for the camera, not for how sex feels.
A stroke held still often does more than one sped up.
Any thrusting technique comes down to two things: where the pressure lands and how long it stays there. For the angle, think up and in, not straight ahead; many positions simply make that angle easier to hold. Depth works as three areas rather than a scale: shallow strokes reach the entrance, mid-depth reaches the G-zone two to five centimeters in along the front wall, and deep, held pressure reaches the A-spot at roughly seven to ten. These are rough guides, and each area responds to a different kind of stroke.
A pillow under her hips tilts the pelvis and turns a straight-ahead angle into an up-and-in one, without either of you moving anywhere.
The version that works is a grind forward and back rather than a bounce, with your pelvis in contact with her clitoris the whole time. Your job is to stop steering.
Some positions exist so she can set depth and angle herself. Your part is to keep your hands still and let her.
It’s easy to understand and harder to do while you’re aroused. Sex is a Skill gives you one practice at a time, in order.
A few questions set your starting point.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Reviews from men who went through the program, shortened where they ran long but never rewritten.
“I have learned so much from your 30 day presentation, I have started implementing some of the points I have learned. Slow down, connect, it’s not about me it’s about learning her body.”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“There’s a couple of uses for the app, but I liked how organized the section was on ‘Sex is a Skill.’ It has professionally drawn sketches to help you understand what is being described without looking graphic or distasteful. It has helped me up my game in the bedroom and I’m happy with my results!”
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part.”
The Coach works with clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, practicing urologists among them.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Ask what feels good and whether she wants a different pace, angle or depth. Her movements and breathing can help you follow her response, but they don’t replace her answer. Start slowly and adjust together.
Not directly. The pause at the start is there so she can adjust, not to delay your orgasm. Sex is a Skill covers lasting longer separately, on day twenty-four.
Ten of the thirty days. Days thirteen to twenty-two cover penetration, one subject each, and they come after six days on her anatomy and six on oral. Practices take ten to thirty-five minutes.
A pillow is enough: under her hips, it changes the angle. You do need a partner, though: almost every practice in these ten days is written for two people.
