To please a woman, start by finding out what she enjoys. Give arousal time to build, keep a rhythm that feels good to her and change it when she wants something different. You don’t need a long list of positions. The Sex is a Skill program in The Coach app helps you practice those habits in a clear order.
See my planThe short version: get her aroused before you get technical, then stop changing what works. Sex is a Skill, our thirty-day plan, spends the first six days on her anatomy and your hands and doesn’t get to penetration until day fourteen, because the order matters more than any single technique.
Before penetration, make sure you both want it and she feels ready. These seven signs can help you notice arousal, but they don’t replace asking or giving her time.
The seventh sign is that she reaches for you or pulls you closer. Notice these signs together, but don’t use a count to decide for her. If you’re wondering how to please a woman while kissing, pay attention to which kisses she enjoys and take your time. There’s no need to move on before you both want to.
Thirty numbered days, fifty lessons and thirty practices, in six blocks. They arrive in this order because each block assumes the one before it.
Stay with what feels good, and change it when she wants to.
Exciting her and satisfying her are different. Satisfying her often depends on what you do once something is already working: keep doing it.
Same pressure, same speed, same spot, changed only if she asks. It means keeping up the boring thing well past the point where it starts to feel boring.
Over 90% of female orgasms involve the clitoris, even during penetration, and its visible tip alone is a pea-sized cluster of over 8,000 nerve endings, more than the penis carries. With that much sensitivity, the most useful thing you can do is stop moving around.
Days seven through twelve cover how to please a woman orally, start to finish: why most of it fails, a step-by-step structure, and the rhythm to hold once it’s working.
A plan gives you one practice at a time, so you can focus on her instead of a list of tips.
The plan arrives one day at a time, and each practice comes with the lesson that explains it.
A few questions set your starting point.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
Reviews left by men who use the program. Shortened, never reworded.
“Just as important as the techniques, being attentive and listening and observing and staying consistent in those moments was absolutely crucial. Just keep doing what you have been coached to do when you observe that she is responding!”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“There’s a couple of uses for the app, but I liked how organized the section was on ‘Sex is a Skill.’ It has professionally drawn sketches to help you understand what is being described without looking graphic or distasteful. It has helped me up my game in the bedroom and I’m happy with my results!”
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part.”
Clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, including practicing urologists, shape what The Coach teaches.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Ask what she enjoyed and notice which kinds of touch she responds to. Being more comfortable talking and adjusting together matters too. Orgasm can be part of that feedback, but it isn’t the only measure of satisfying sex.
Then she doesn’t, and no technique can promise that she will. Practice can help you create good conditions: enough arousal, a steady rhythm and room to talk. Her pleasure matters whether or not she finishes.
The Sex is a Skill program: thirty days in a set order, with fifty lessons and thirty practices of ten to thirty-five minutes.
No toys needed. You do need a partner — twenty-eight of the thirty practices are written for two people, and we’d rather say so up front. She does not need to read anything.
