How to thrust in missionary.
A pillow under her hips tilts the pelvis and turns a straight-ahead angle into an up-and-in one, without either of you moving anywhere.
Every answer to how to thrust during sex arrives as a count. Strokes per minute, tips numbered one to five, an average somebody measured. There is no number. The program this comes from opens penetration with fifteen to thirty seconds of no movement at all, and when movement starts it asks for millimeters rather than inches. The readout it hands you instead is not something you can count: her pelvis setting the rhythm, and her squeeze answering you back.
Get my plan for what to do in bedHow to thrust in sex, according to a program built entirely around her side of it: you go in, and then you do nothing for fifteen to thirty seconds. Breathe with her. Keep a hand on her. Let her body register that something has changed before you ask it to respond to anything. Almost every man reading this has never once done that.
The wrong version is easy to describe, because most men have done it: rapid thrusting from the first second, no eye contact, and a held breath. All three are the same mistake — starting the conversation before the other person has arrived.
None of it is complicated to read. It is difficult to do while aroused, on a Wednesday, without a plan — which is what the thirty days exist for.
Doing it without thinking about it is what the ten days are for.
Day sixteen names six ways to make penetration feel better. None of them is a rate, and none of them asks for more effort than what you are already doing.
Men ask how to thrust faster, how to thrust harder and how to thrust correctly in roughly the same breath, and the first two answer the third badly. Speed and force are the two dials most available to you and the two least connected to what she feels. The program never once gives a rate.
What it gives instead is a thrusting technique made of things that are not pace: the angle you enter at, how much of the stroke happens shallow, whether you stop at the end of one, and what your hand is doing while all of that happens. Harder is not a variable it recognizes at all — the closest it gets is holding pressure, which is the opposite of impact.
There is a practical reason the speed instinct is so persistent. Fast is what porn is edited for and what a nervous man defaults to. It also feels like effort, and effort feels like it should count for something. Ask her afterwards which part she remembers and you will not hear about the tempo.
The stroke that changes nothing is the one doing the work.
Every thrusting technique worth the name is a way of controlling two things: where the pressure lands and how long it stays there. The program’s instruction on the first is four words — think up and in, not straight ahead — and almost every position it teaches is a way of making that angle easier to hold. Depth it treats as a set of places rather than a scale: shallow glides work the entrance, mid-depth reaches the G-zone at two to five centimeters along the front wall, and deep held pressure reaches the A-spot at roughly seven to ten. Rough locations, not measurements — the useful part is that they are three different targets asking for three different strokes.
A pillow under her hips tilts the pelvis and turns a straight-ahead angle into an up-and-in one, without either of you moving anywhere.
The program’s version is a grind forward and back rather than a bounce, with your pelvis in contact with her clitoris the whole time. Your job is to stop steering.
Three of the positions exist so she can set depth and angle herself. The instruction for you is unusually specific: let your hands be calm, let your eyes stay soft.
Angles matter more than acrobatics, and the difference between them is that one of the two can be practiced.
Clitoral contact paired with penetration is the turning point of the whole program, and it gets a walkthrough of its own in our guide to how to make her orgasm.
They are a thing you rehearse until they stop taking concentration.
From a survey of The Coach users who finished their first four weeks:
It is also the week most people would have quit on their own.
Reviews from men who bought the program. Shortened where they ran long, never rewritten.
“I have learned so much from your 30 day presentation, I have started implementing some of the points I have learned. Slow down, connect, it’s not about me it’s about learning her body.”
“I am grateful for the reminders and techniques to enhance and revitalize my love for my wife. Technique that makes you own the confidence that you’re doing the right stuff. Anatomy that we forgot about and sensory stuff that makes her squirm. Thank you”
“There’s a couple of uses for the app, but I liked how organized the section was on ‘Sex is a Skill.’ It has professionally drawn sketches to help you understand what is being described without looking graphic or distasteful. It has helped me up my game in the bedroom and I’m happy with my results!”
“At 61 years old I thought I knew a lot about female anatomy and sex, it turns out I was WRONG! While I have been quite successful in helping women reach orgasm in the past, it turns out it was more from luck than any skill on my part. This program has not only improved my knowledge, but is an exact guide to helping women reach orgasm every single time. Turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks!”
The Coach works with clinical researchers, certified sex therapists and medical professionals, practising urologists among them.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
PhD in social psychology and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Dr. Jessica Yih
Urologist and director of women's sexual health and male infertility at UCI.
Dr. Kirti S. Patel
Board-certified ob/gyn and host of The Gynarchy, a women's-health podcast.
Cameron Fraser
Australia's leading men's sex coach, specializing in male sexual wellness and performance.
Dr. Paula Hall
Accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, registered with leading professional bodies in psychotherapy.
Natalie Goldberg
Certified sex and family therapist dedicated to improving intimate relationships and personal well-being.
Dr. Justin Houman
MD, UCLA-trained urologist and male reproductive specialist focusing on sexual health.
Dr. Amy Pearlman
Board-certified urologist specializing in male sexual wellness, performance, and hormonal health.
Her body is already answering. Her pelvis either meets you or it doesn’t. Her breath either shortens or stays even. A squeeze is a reply, and the right response to it is a slow press rather than more speed. Almost nobody has been taught to read those as information, which is why the instinct in the gap is to move faster.
That is a different job with a different answer, and we cover it separately. Nothing here is a delay technique — the stillness at the start is about her nervous system, not yours, and treating it as a way to buy time is how men end up concentrating on themselves at the exact moment they should be reading her.
Ten of the thirty days. Days thirteen to twenty-two are the penetration block, one subject each, and they arrive after the six days on her anatomy and the six on oral rather than before them — which is deliberate. The day you are on is tracked and the reminder lands at the hour you set. The app is paid.
A pillow. That is the whole equipment list, and it is doing real work — under her hips it changes the angle more than any technique on this subject does. You do need a partner, though: every practice on these ten days is written for two people.
Two ways. Email support@the.coach and a real person on our team gets back to you — usually within a day. Or open the app, go to the Today tab, tap your profile, and hit Support. Both land with the same people.
