At The Coach, our commitment to providing our users with accurate and valuable information on matters of health and well-being is unwavering.
We sat down with Dr. Paula Hall, one of the leading psychotherapists specializing in sex and porn addiction, creator and director of Pivotal Recovery, to discuss the most frequent questions we receive about porn addiction and its effects on male sexual and mental health.
Q: Why do I feel so bad after watching porn?
Dr. Paula Hall: Well, probably because it’s against your values in some way. That could be because of the type of porn you’re watching, maybe it’s something you don’t feel comfortable with, or maybe it’s the amount of time you’re spending watching porn. Maybe there’s other things that you really feel you ought to be doing with your time.
Or perhaps you promised somebody that you weren’t going to watch porn anymore, maybe you promised yourself you weren’t going to do that. But the other reason is that maybe it’s just not as good as you thought it was going to be. I often think that watching porn is a bit like junk food, often it looks better than it actually is, and often we feel a bit crap afterwards.
If you don’t really want to watch porn, then of course that is something that you can stop. But if your only reasons that you don’t like it is because you feel bad about it, because it’s against your values, then you do need to know that doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily an addiction. If you thought alcohol was really bad and you had a couple of drinks a week, that wouldn’t make you an alcoholic.
But nonetheless, if you’re not comfortable with it, then why not find ways of stopping?
Q: Is it possible to learn how to not watch porn at all?
Dr. Paula Hall: So can you learn to stop watching porn? Yes, absolutely, of course you can and thousands of people have done it. The good news is though that doesn’t mean you have to stop masturbating. You know what? People have been enjoying masturbation for centuries, long before there was broadband and smartphones.
One of the challenges for many people now is that pornography is so accessible and it’s anonymous and it’s convenient and lots of people have been brought up with broadband and smartphones actually have never really masturbated without it. It’s a bit like never ever being hungry or choosing to eat food without going into a restaurant. You’re kind of dependent on some kind of external stimuli to even get the appetite.
But you can learn to masturbate mindfully and when you do there are so many benefits. Not only are you not reliant on porn anymore but it will make your body so much more responsive. It will make you a better lover.
One of the things they don’t say about porn is actually how much it can ruin your sex life. So why not stop?
Q: Do women get addicted to porn too?
Dr. Paula Hall: Yes, absolutely they do. Men, women, young, old, gay, straight, unfortunately porn addiction is an equal opportunity addiction. But quite often women don’t come forward for help so much or they don’t talk about it so much.
It could be of course that a lot of porn is actually generated at men and for women often it’s more the hook-up sites, the webcam stuff, it’s a slightly different type of sexual material that they can get addicted to. And we know from research that about 30 percent of people that get addicted to sex and porn are women. But yeah they don’t really come forward for help and I think that’s because of the additional stigma and shame there often is for women.
I mean it’s not okay but regrettably we still live in a society where we talk about you know men and sex and it’s what men do. But for women there’s still an awful lot of slut-shaming going on. But yeah absolutely this can be a problem for women too.
So if you’ve got a problem with porn or problem with any kind of compulsive sexual activity do get some help.
Q: Are there supplements that can help with porn addiction?
Dr. Paula Hall: Are there supplements that can help with porn addiction? The short answer is no, or rather maybe no, not really. Certainly nothing that’s been researched. The thing is with porn addiction, like all addictions, often it’s a symptom of something else.
It’s another problem. So if you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, for example, then yes, there are supplements that can help with that. And that means that will also probably help with your addiction.
But having said that, what we do know in all types of addiction is that you’re more susceptible to triggers. You’re more susceptible to temptations if you’re not looking after yourself well. So anything you can do to really improve your self-care, and that includes a healthy diet, regular exercise, and that certainly might include supplements, that is going to make you much, much stronger.
And just a little tip here, don’t think self-discipline when it comes to looking after yourself. Think of self-care. The stronger you are physically and emotionally, the stronger you’ll be to fight off any kind of addiction.
Q: How many times it is OK to masturbate per day?
Dr. Paula Hall: How many times can you masturbate a day before it’s an addiction? Let me put it like this, how many times can you eat cake a day before it’s an eating disorder? Of course, you can eat it as often as you like, as long as it’s part of a balanced diet, as long as it’s not causing other problems in your life. And the same is true when we’re talking about watching porn and masturbation, it’s not about quantity. We measure addiction by harmful consequences, significant harmful consequences.
If it’s getting in the way of your relationships, if it’s causing you financial problems, if it’s getting in the way of work or study, and in spite of that, you still can’t stop, that is when we start using the language of addiction. So don’t count how many times, count the consequences. Are there other things that you want to be doing? Have you tried to stop? Have you tried to cut down? But in spite of that, you just keep failing.
That’s how you know it’s a problem. It’s a problem when it’s a problem for you, that’s the bottom line. And if it is, maybe it’s time to stop.
The Coach team expresses great appreciation to Dr. Paula Hall for her assistance in preparing responses to these questions. You can learn more about the work of Dr. Paula Hall here:
Instagram: @pivotal_recovery
Website: PivotalRecovery.org
Youtube: Pivotal Recovery
